Erma Bombeck Quotes

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is years.

The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who DO love us.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course, I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in a while to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in.

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!'…Basically women work alone when they're at home. They think no one is feeling what they are feeling, that no one understands their daily frustrations. But we do; we all do.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what! Another version: Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'

Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.