Groucho Marx, 1895-1977, American Comic Actor Quotes

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other follow women.

Who are you going to believe -- me or your own eyes?

I was born at a very early age.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes, you know he's crooked.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

I did toy with the idea of doing a cookbook. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce, and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.