Mark Twain ( Pseudonym of Samual Langhorne Clemens), (1835-1910), American Humorist, Writer Quotes

We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money off them.

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich.

It is better to deserve an honor and not receive it, than to receive one and not deserve it!

I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.

Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

By common consent of all the nations and all ages, the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

If Tom Sawyer had been a great and wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would now have comprehended that Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do and Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would be surprised to find how far off they are, for they do not look it. When they first showed last night I tried to knock some down with a pole, but it didn't reach, which astonished me. Then I tried clods till I was all tired out, but I never got one. I did make some close shots, for I saw the black blot of the clod sail right into the midst of the golden clusters forty or fifty times, just barely missing them, and if I could've held out a little longer, maybe I could've got one.

Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $ a minute.