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Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
Welcome to Texas, now go home.
Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.