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Funny Quotes

  • "I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "Either the man is dead, or my watch has stopped."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
  • "I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
    By: ^Groucho Marx
    Funny Quotes
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  • "Now what sort of man or woman or monster would stroke a centipede I have ever seen? ''And here is my good big centipede!'' If such a man exists, I say kill him without more ado. He is a traitor to the human race."
    By: William S. Burroughs
    Women Quotes
  • "Admittedly, a homosexual can be conditioned to react sexually to a woman, or to an old boot for that matter. In fact, both homo - and heterosexual experimental subjects have been conditioned to react sexually to an old boot, and you can save a lot of money that way."
    By: William S. Burroughs
    Women Quotes
  • "A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold."
    By: Julie Burchill
    Women Quotes
  • "Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each."
    By: Plato Greek philosopher (427 BC - 347 BC)
    Child Quotes
  • "At great periods you have always felt, deep within you, the temptation to commit suicide. You gave yourself to it, breached your own defenses. You were a child. The idea of suicide was a protest against life; by dying, you would escape this longing for death."
    By: Cesare Pavese
    Child Quotes
  • "It was no great tragedy being Judy Garland's daughter. I had tremendously interesting childhood years - except they had little to do with being a child."
    By: Liza Minnelli
    Child Quotes
  • "A child is beset with long traditions. And his infancy is so old, so old, that the mere adding of years in the life to follow will not seem to throw it further back - it is already so far."
    By: Alice Meynell
    Child Quotes
  • "Giving a camera to Diane Arbus is like putting a live grenade in the hands of a child."
    By: Norman Mailer
    Child Quotes

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