Funny Quotes

• "The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words."
  By: ^National Review
  Funny Quotes
• "Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
  By: ^David Moulton
  Funny Quotes
• "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe"
  By: ^Jackie Mason
  Funny Quotes
• "If you win a trophy greaty. But if you can fit one up butt,your amazing."
  By: ^Stephan Loucks
  Funny Quotes
• "Everything you see I owe to spaghetti. ~"
  By: ^Sophia Loren
  Funny Quotes
• "Never go to bed mad. Stay awake all night and plot horrible REVENGE!!!!"
  By: ^Vince Lewonski
  Funny Quotes
• "Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. - John Lehman"
  By: ^US secretary of the Navy
  Funny Quotes
• "Time's fun when you're having flies."
  By: ^Kermit the Frog
  Funny Quotes
• "After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."
  By: ^Hemant Joshi
  Funny Quotes
• "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.' -"
  By: ^Jake Johansen
  Funny Quotes
• "Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure."
  By: ^Jarger
  Funny Quotes
• "Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it."
  By: ^Max Frisch
  Funny Quotes
• "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
  By: ^John Andrew Holmes
  Funny Quotes
• "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. -From Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk in Life In Hell'', by"
  By: ^Matt Groening
  Funny Quotes
• "Is being an idiot like being high all the time? - Janeane Garofalo Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat."
  By: ^David Geary
  Funny Quotes
• "What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
  By: ^W.C. Fields
  Funny Quotes