Funny Quotes

• "I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge."
  By: ^Edward Chilton
  Funny Quotes
• "There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -"
  By: ^Dick Cavett
  Funny Quotes
• ": People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."
  By: ^Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
  Funny Quotes
• "Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?"
  By: ^Calvin
  Funny Quotes
• "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
  By: ^Hobbes
  Funny Quotes
• "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -A."
  By: ^Whitney Brown
  Funny Quotes
• "Time is God's way to keep everything from happening at once."
  By: ^James Brown
  Funny Quotes
• "The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing."
  By: ^William J. Broad
  Funny Quotes
• "We are an impossibility in an impossible universe."
  By: ^Ray Bradbury
  Funny Quotes
• "Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
  By: ^Ambrose Bierce
  Funny Quotes
• "When you come to a fork in the road, take it - Yogi Berra If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"
  By: ^Yogi Berra
  Funny Quotes
• "All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow."
  By: ^Dave Barry
  Funny Quotes
• "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while. {after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics}."
  By: ^Charles Barkley
  Funny Quotes
• "Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent."
  By: ^Anonymous
  Funny Quotes
• "Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."
  By: ^Anonymous
  Funny Quotes
• "Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence."
  By: ^Anonymous
  Funny Quotes