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To err is human; to pass air is also human.

After Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe divorced: It proves no man can be a success in two national pastimes.

If you don’t find it in the Index, look very carefully throughout the entire catalogue.

My mother said to me, “If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.” Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

People that live in glass houses should dress in the basement.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

Imagine if there were no hypothetical situations.

It’s not the winning that counts, nor the taking part; it’s making fun of the little fat kid who always comes in last.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.

If you go back in time, don’t step on anything.