Funny Quotes

• "Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle-baby."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "My kid is a born doctor. Nobody can read anything he writes."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'"
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "A wonderful Doctor gave this guy 6 months to live. When he couldn't pay his bills, he gave him another 6 months."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed."
  By: ^Henry Youngman
  Funny Quotes
• "Failure is inevitable. Success is elusive."
  By: ^Steven Spielberg
  Funny Quotes
• "Once a month the sky falls on my head, I come to, and I see another movie I want to make."
  By: ^Steven Spielberg
  Funny Quotes
• "I dream for a living."
  By: ^Steven Spielberg
  Funny Quotes
• "Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?"
  By: ^Steven Spielberg
  Funny Quotes
• "The most expensive habit in the world is celluloid, not heroin, and I need a fix every few years."
  By: ^Steven Spielberg
  Funny Quotes
• "He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist."
  By: ^Steven Spielberg
  Funny Quotes