Funny Quotes

• "The wife's Mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave." I said: "Good, I'm being buried at sea.""
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical."
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps."
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it."
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "Tommorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it."
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory."
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance."
  By: ^Les Dawson
  Funny Quotes
• "I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together."
  By: ^Charles Dickens
  Funny Quotes
• "There are only two styles of portrait painting; the serious and the smirk."
  By: ^Charles Dickens
  Funny Quotes
• "A boy's story is the best that is ever told."
  By: ^Charles Dickens
  Funny Quotes
• "He'd make a lovely corpse."
  By: ^Charles Dickens
  Funny Quotes
• "That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record."
  By: ^David Coleman
  Funny Quotes
• "The Republic-of-China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time."
  By: ^David Coleman
  Funny Quotes
• "And the line up for the final of the Women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman."
  By: ^David Coleman
  Funny Quotes
• "He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62."
  By: ^David Coleman
  Funny Quotes
• "We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waitz is 80 seconds behind."
  By: ^David Coleman
  Funny Quotes