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Funny Quotes

  • "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese"
    By: ^Charles De Gaulle
    Funny Quotes
  • "When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
    By: ^Calvin Coolidge
    Funny Quotes
  • "They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
    By: ^Pratt & Whitney
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts."
    By: ^Ruth Gordon
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide."
    By: ^Woodrow Wilson
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, Look, it's always gonna be me!"
    By: ^Rita Rudner
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never use while sleeping."
    By: ^Instruction on Conair hair dryer
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much."
    By: ^G.K. Chesterton
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never thrust your sickle into another's corn."
    By: ^Publius Syrus
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words large or size with rear end. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."
    By: ^Tim Allen
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never say Oops in the operating room."
    By: ^Dr. Leo Troy
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial."
    By: ^Mayflower Madam
    Funny Quotes
  • "Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier. -Anonymous Never accept a drink from a urologist."
    By: ^Erma Bombeck
    Funny Quotes
  • "Put it back in the horse!"
    By: ^H. Allen Smith
    Funny Quotes
  • "My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time."
    By: ^Unknown
    Funny Quotes
  • "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
    By: ^Jack Handy
    Funny Quotes
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  • "Now what sort of man or woman or monster would stroke a centipede I have ever seen? ''And here is my good big centipede!'' If such a man exists, I say kill him without more ado. He is a traitor to the human race."
    By: William S. Burroughs
    Women Quotes
  • "Admittedly, a homosexual can be conditioned to react sexually to a woman, or to an old boot for that matter. In fact, both homo - and heterosexual experimental subjects have been conditioned to react sexually to an old boot, and you can save a lot of money that way."
    By: William S. Burroughs
    Women Quotes
  • "A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold."
    By: Julie Burchill
    Women Quotes
  • "Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each."
    By: Plato Greek philosopher (427 BC - 347 BC)
    Child Quotes
  • "At great periods you have always felt, deep within you, the temptation to commit suicide. You gave yourself to it, breached your own defenses. You were a child. The idea of suicide was a protest against life; by dying, you would escape this longing for death."
    By: Cesare Pavese
    Child Quotes
  • "It was no great tragedy being Judy Garland's daughter. I had tremendously interesting childhood years - except they had little to do with being a child."
    By: Liza Minnelli
    Child Quotes
  • "A child is beset with long traditions. And his infancy is so old, so old, that the mere adding of years in the life to follow will not seem to throw it further back - it is already so far."
    By: Alice Meynell
    Child Quotes
  • "Giving a camera to Diane Arbus is like putting a live grenade in the hands of a child."
    By: Norman Mailer
    Child Quotes

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