Funny Quotes

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
By: ^David Moulton
Funny Quotes
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe"
By: ^Jackie Mason
Funny Quotes
"If you win a trophy greaty. But if you can fit one up butt,your amazing."
By: ^Stephan Loucks
Funny Quotes
"Everything you see I owe to spaghetti. ~"
By: ^Sophia Loren
Funny Quotes
"Never go to bed mad. Stay awake all night and plot horrible REVENGE!!!!"
By: ^Vince Lewonski
Funny Quotes
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. - John Lehman"
By: ^US secretary of the Navy
Funny Quotes
"Time's fun when you're having flies."
By: ^Kermit the Frog
Funny Quotes
"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."
By: ^Hemant Joshi
Funny Quotes
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.' -"
By: ^Jake Johansen
Funny Quotes
"Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure."
By: ^Jarger
Funny Quotes
"Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it."
By: ^Max Frisch
Funny Quotes
"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
By: ^John Andrew Holmes
Funny Quotes
"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. -From Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk in Life In Hell'', by"
By: ^Matt Groening
Funny Quotes
"Is being an idiot like being high all the time? - Janeane Garofalo Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat."
By: ^David Geary
Funny Quotes
"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
By: ^W.C. Fields
Funny Quotes
"I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."
By: ^W.C. Fields
Funny Quotes

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"Now what sort of man or woman or monster would stroke a centipede I have ever seen? ''And here is my good big centipede!'' If such a man exists, I say kill him without more ado. He is a traitor to the human race."
By: William S. Burroughs
Women Quotes

"Admittedly, a homosexual can be conditioned to react sexually to a woman, or to an old boot for that matter. In fact, both homo - and heterosexual experimental subjects have been conditioned to react sexually to an old boot, and you can save a lot of money that way."
By: William S. Burroughs
Women Quotes

"A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold."
By: Julie Burchill
Women Quotes

"Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each."
By: Plato Greek philosopher (427 BC - 347 BC)
Child Quotes

"At great periods you have always felt, deep within you, the temptation to commit suicide. You gave yourself to it, breached your own defenses. You were a child. The idea of suicide was a protest against life; by dying, you would escape this longing for death."
By: Cesare Pavese
Child Quotes

"It was no great tragedy being Judy Garland's daughter. I had tremendously interesting childhood years - except they had little to do with being a child."
By: Liza Minnelli
Child Quotes

"A child is beset with long traditions. And his infancy is so old, so old, that the mere adding of years in the life to follow will not seem to throw it further back - it is already so far."
By: Alice Meynell
Child Quotes

"Giving a camera to Diane Arbus is like putting a live grenade in the hands of a child."
By: Norman Mailer
Child Quotes

Funny Quotes

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