God Quotes

• "Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you’re handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it’s over."
  By: P.J. O'Rourke (Peace Kills)
  God Quotes
• "The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something really expensive had been dropped and shattered in heaven - God’s Steuben ashtray, maybe."
  By: P. J. O'Rourke (All the Trouble in the World)
  God Quotes
• "God's plan made a hopeful beginning. But man spoiled his chances by sinning. We trust that the story... will end in God's glory, But, at present, the other side's winning."
  By: Oliver Wendell Holmes
  God Quotes
• "Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first. I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance."
  By: Noel Coward
  God Quotes
• "(At an Emmy Awards ceremony after leaping onto a table) Coleman Jacoby and Arnie Rosen won an Emmy and Mel Brooks didn't! Niezsche was right! There is no God! There is no God!"
  By: Mel Brooks
  God Quotes
• "Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
  By: Lily Tomlin
  God Quotes
• "Every day, people are straying away from the church and going back to God."
  By: Lenny Bruce (The Essential Lenny Bruce)
  God Quotes
• "When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering."
  By: Joseph Heller (Catch 22)
  God Quotes
• "How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation?"
  By: Joseph Heller (Catch 22)
  God Quotes
• "Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration of what God could do if He had more imagination."
  By: Jack Paar (I kid you not)
  God Quotes
• "I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We’re about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods."
  By: George Burns (Dr Burn's Prescription for Happiness)
  God Quotes
• "When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me."
  By: George Carlin(When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)
  God Quotes
• "I find it discouraging – and a bit depressing – when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky."
  By: George Carlin(When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)
  God Quotes
• "If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?"
  By: George Carlin
  God Quotes
• "The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight."
  By: Erma Bombeck (All I know about Animal Behavior...)
  God Quotes
• "Dear God, No use tryin' to kid You... You know I done it."
  By: Dennis The Menace
  God Quotes