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Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner’s inquest.

A bachelor is one who wants a wife, but is glad he hasn’t got her.

Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.

If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier. And a good deal more foolish.

Wealth: Any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

The honeymoon is the time during which the bride believes the bridegroom’s word of honor.

Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one’s wife’s relatives.

A husband should not teach his wife to drive and a wife should not teach her husband to drive. Driving lessons are a lot cheaper than a divorce.

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names — hers and her mother’s.