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Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves.

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including: * Both of your socks should always be the same color * Or they should at least both be fairly dark.

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another..

The bayonet is a phallic system killing in a sexual manner. The wound is a female symbol.

Why are men happier than women? Because the world is our urinal.

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do.....

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice -- that is, until we have stopped saying It got lost, and say, I lost it..

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

All women are misfits. We do not fit into this world without amputations.