Wisdom Quotes

• "Thought is the wind, knowledge the sail, and mankind the vessel."
  By: Augustus W. Hare
  Wisdom Quotes
• "I am like SPAM: Some people like me, some people hate me, but nobody knows what I'm made of."
  By: C.J. Harbison
  Wisdom Quotes
• "When you want something, it's not that easy. You have to know what you want and keep going for it."
  By: Taylor Hanson
  Wisdom Quotes
• "You know what makes good hair for a snow man? REAL hair. Don't ask me why, but it works."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "You know how to paint a room real fast? Just put paint rollers on your feet and somehow figure out how to skate up the walls and across the ceiling."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'"
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea? Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don't even care, do you."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I?"
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "I think a new, different kind of bowling should be 'carpet bowling.' It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood. I don't know why we should do this, but my God, we've got to try something!"
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been."
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes
• "You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!"
  By: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
  Wisdom Quotes